Monday, February 16, 2015

Dear God

It is only when we re at our wits end that we started crying Abba Father.

Why am i such an ungrateful creature.

Didn't the Lord manage to bring you through all these while?

But i guess as a result of the achievements He has given me, i wanted more and more and more of it. forgetting His presence most of the time.

Lately, i experienced extreme sadness which i haven't experienced in a long time... i sat on my chair, staring blankly, i started crying.

I feel the road ahead is dark, I feel afraid, I have people's/school expectation to meet, I have a family that might just go bust at anytime, I am tired of uncertainties. But over these past few years ever since i came back from Finland, i have learnt to mask my emotion in public and i kept deceiving myself that everything is alright. i kept assuring my mum i can handle my studies better by not showing any ounce of stress and emotion. perhaps it also i am not a person good in letting out my emotions.

Then yesterday, i couldnt take it any more. I cried.

I felt empty. I feel i couldn't control the situation now.

Then i started talking to the Lord. perhaps it was the first time after a few weeks.

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